trainwreck or, how i met your grandmother
by itnevergoesout
Summary: prompted on tumblr: i don't want to tell my friends about my date last night so i point at a random stranger and you get all into the discussion. a birthday present for ali.


for ali, the greatest fandom mom, kindest counselor, and all-around most brilliant friend. happy birthday darling x

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Trainwreck; or, How I Met Your Grandmother

Lily's racing down the Tube steps in an attempt to avoid Mary's hands, which seem hell-bent on grabbing her already-tangled curls and tugging so hard the color will drip right out of them. Marlene is clutching her stomach and laughing in the background, and it's only a minor problem, really. Just three friends making their way from uni to their flat and disturbing the peace in the process.

(It's almost an everyday occurrence at this point honestly, what with their ancient upstairs neighbors who have taken to rapping their canes in a remarkably accurate rendition of "taps" anytime one of them has a bloke overnight and makes a wee bit too much noise.)

They have an excuse this time at least, because their train is approaching the station and Mary isn't sure she has any rides left on her Oyster card, but they end up tangled in the straps and metal poles of the Piccadilly line right before the doors shut. "Lilith!" trills Mary, lazily looping her wrist in a hanging strap and hovering over Lily, who managed to snag the last seat. It's a terribly dominating position, and even Lily, who fears nobody but her mother and her cat when she forgets to feed him, is slightly intimidated.

"I'm not telling," Lily says mulishly, because last night had been awful and she really didn't want to relive it. She would have happily forgone the experience of ever dating another bloke called Dave if it meant wiping out the memories of the rude, obnoxious, and vile Dave she had met last night, courtesy of some asinine dating app.

"Was I asking?" Mary responds primly, and Marlene snorts. Loudly. Mary turns to glare at her and suddenly she's deeply engrossed in Candy Crush. "Lily, you know I am your closest friend-" it's Marlene's turn to glare- "and I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you, always a kind and listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. There's no shame in being dumped-"

"I wasn't dumped," Lily says venomously. "He was a right-"

"…and we've all had similar experiences, so let's use this as a bonding moment and share our feelings-"

"Fine!" Lily bellows, and the mousy looking bloke sat next to her jumps and scurries across the car to a recently vacated seat. "Fine," she repeats, voice slightly lowered this time, and Mary nearly collapses on top of her as the train takes a turn at warp speed.

Then Lily does something that, were she sober, she would have considered to be very stupid. It is, in fact, very stupid, but she's drunk because there's no way to make it through Binns' lecture without a couple shots beforehand and therefore her brain cannot see past the fact that the bloke who has strolled onto the train just now is ridiculously fit. "Ohmygod," she gasps, pointing. "It's him."

It really does make perfect sense, no? Mary isn't going to look at Lily's completely red face and then decide talking to this man is a good idea, because Mary is slightly nosy and definitely smothering but she isn't a prat.

Except. She starts waving frantically, trying to tear the bloke away from what looks to be a scintillating discussion with his (handsome, but who's looking?) mate. He looks up towards Lily and his face… for the briefest second, it goes soft.

And Lily's a goner.

The train is being held in the station, some mechanical voice explains over the PA, so the man ambles over, one hand in his jeans pocket and one in his messy dark hair, and smiles. His mate is standing behind him, arms crossed and trying to look menacing. It almost works. "Hello there," Mary says smoothly. "I believe you know our Lily here. She went on a date last night, you see, and is totally mum on how it went. Isn't it a beautiful coincidence that we met you, then? The only other person who can tell us a bit about it?"

Lily's had her head in her hands throughout Mary's monologue, but she lifts it in time to catch the smirk exploding over the bloke's face. Tosser. If only the expression didn't make him look so cute. His mate turns to him and says, very slowly, "you didn't tell me you'd gone on a date last night, James."

(James, Lily thinks, is far more elegant a name than Dave. She wholeheartedly approves.)

"Sirius, mate," James says looking into Lily's eyes with an intensity she finds she cannot match, "can you blame me for wanting to keep Lily to myself for a while?"

Mary swoons; the train has finally pulled out of the station and she's lost her balance. Marlene and Sirius both stick their fingers down their throats and mime gagging, then turn to each other, each wearing a pleased expression over their unintended synchronization. Lily finds herself smiling up at James fondly, and he returns the gesture.

The five of them manage to make small talk for the next few minutes- Lily actually pokes James in the stomach when Marlene asks how they met and he concocts an entire soppy yet hilarious tale involving two kittens, a prank, and some licorice.

The girls are nearly at their stop now, and Lily's relieved that she managed to keep the charade going until the end. Mary will tease her for a couple days, console her when she pretends to be upset he hasn't texted lately, and she'll move on to the next bloke from Tinder or whatever. It's all good.

Until she gathers up her things and starts to exit the car. James walks next to her and makes a show out of tugging on her hand and pulling her ahead of her mates. Mary has that look in her eyes, the "I'm printing invitations and buying a dress" look she gets when Lily's smitten over a guy, and Lily wrestles with the blush threatening to sweep across her cheeks. "So," James says loudly. Later, Lily will learn that James only shouts like that in normal conversation when he's nervous. Now it just seems normal because of the heavy traffic on the road, and because Lily is pretty sure he wants Mary and Marlene to overhear. "I must sound a right wanker, but I meant to ask you for your number last night and it just slipped my mind. Consequence of dinner with a pretty girl, I suppose. You lose your head. Um. So."  
He can't get the words out, the poor boy, and Lily just fancies him all the more for it. Silently, she hands him her phone, and the smile that crosses his face is as blinding as an eclipse. He's one of those people who will fill out a contact card completely; he's put in his number, email, address, and birthday. Lily takes the phone back with a quick "ta" and texts him with her information.

His answer is prompt: dinner tomorrow night?

Then: when our grandchildren ask us how we met, I can't wait to tell them this story.

And Lily can do nothing but stand on her tiptoes and smack the top of his head. Somehow, he's still grinning.


End file.
